“Win Every Argument,” by Mehdi Hasan, and “Say the Right Thing,” by Kenji Yoshino and David Glasgow, offer different approaches to talking to

Fight or Make Nice? Two Books Consider How to Listen and Be Heard.

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2023-03-18 20:30:03

“Win Every Argument,” by Mehdi Hasan, and “Say the Right Thing,” by Kenji Yoshino and David Glasgow, offer different approaches to talking to others.

There’s a classic essay by the critic and queer theorist Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick that makes an illuminating distinction between what she calls “paranoid reading” and “reparative reading” — different ways of understanding texts that could also effectively describe different ways of interacting with the world.

Paranoia entails scanning the horizon for threats, presuming the worst so that you won’t be caught by surprise; a reparative approach entails openness and receptivity, a willingness to wait and see. One pounces; the other embraces. Both have their uses. The “reparative” spirit might sound appealingly generous, but not every situation deserves it. Bad arguments, bad actors, bad faith: Sometimes paranoia is exactly what’s called for.

I was reminded of Sedgwick’s essay when reading two new books about talking to others: “Win Every Argument,” by the MSNBC host Mehdi Hasan, and “Say the Right Thing,” by the law professors Kenji Yoshino and David Glasgow. Both books are impeccably timed, speaking to a moment when many people find themselves drawn into arguments but also fearful of saying something that will hurt someone or (and) get the person saying it into trouble. They also reflect these “paranoid” and “reparative” modes, demonstrating the possibilities and limitations of each.