A Scientist Walks Into a Bar …
I t sounds like the setup to a joke: When I was starting out as a stand-up comedian, I was also working as a research scientist at a sperm bank.
My lab was investigating the causes of infertility in young men, and part of my job was to run the clinical visits with the participants. They would provide a semen sample for research purposes in exchange for $75.
But a common point of concern quickly emerged among the participants: Many were worried that female scientists, such as myself, would want to steal their semen samples and bear their offspring without consent. My initial strategy to quell their paranoia was to trot out the standard science lines, explaining that it would not only be unethical, but also illegal, to use their biospecimens outside the bounds of pure research.
“Oh please,” I’d say. “Most women won’t fight over sperm that came from a guy who happened to have three hours of free time in the middle of a workday. I could get Ivy League-Olympian sperm from any sperm bank in the country. Don’t flatter yourself.”
