ROME—Long before hairless strangers were streaming loveless sex to lonely device-wielders, European classic artists were painting scintillating scen

Louvre Calls in Lawyers Over Pornhub’s Hardcore Re-Enactments

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2021-07-20 21:30:04

ROME—Long before hairless strangers were streaming loveless sex to lonely device-wielders, European classic artists were painting scintillating scenes that were quite lewd even by today’s standards. At least that’s what Pornhub would like would-be adult-entertainment consumers to think as it launches its new “Show Me the Nudes” interactive website and app.

Classic masterpieces from some of Europe’s top museums are recreated by porn stars who then come to life, which in the case of Venus of Urbino—a centerpiece of the Uffizi Gallery in Florence—means Venus will suddenly start masturbating and, in the depiction of Male Nude, Degas’ celebrated dick pic featured at the Met quickly evolves into a full blow job.

Each recreation, performed by pornographic actors from the adult entertainment troupe My Sweet Apple, comes with an explanation that you won’t find in any art-history textbooks. “As a handy rule, anything you see in a classic nude painting that isn’t obviously kinky… is still definitely meant to represent something kinky,” the caption under Venus of Urbino claims.

They then go on to decipher what Italian Renaissance painter Titian really intended by placing the red flower in Venus’ hand above her lady parts. “The rumpled sheets are supposed to make this untouchable goddess of love feel like flesh and blood—and pretty much as scruffy as we are,” the explanation reads. “Also, the fact that this Venus is so nonchalant about displaying all the godly goods—despite the room being weirdly busy for a spot of naked lounging—gives the scene an extra erotic charge.”