How to save yourself another pointless guilt trip
is a clinical psychologist and the author of The Solution to Social Anxiety (2013), The Art of Extraordinary Confidence (2016), Not Nice (2017) and On My Own Side (2020). He lives in Portland, Oregon.
Imagine just another ordinary day in your life. You wake up at the same time, do your morning routine, and eat breakfast. But then, you get that text. It’s your mother, and you suddenly remember you were supposed to call her yesterday for her birthday. Even without opening the text, you feel a sinking feeling in your chest and stomach.
You imagine your mom sitting all alone in her house, mournfully lamenting her son’s lack of contact on her special day. A shower of self-critical thoughts begins to cascade down upon you. It’s a slow drizzle at first, but by the time you get to work, it’s a downpour of judgmental and harsh attacks on your character. You’re too busy, too selfish, and a bad son or daughter. Yikes.
This is guilt. We all know the feeling, and it is a powerfully absorbing experience. It has a magnifying quality to it, making small errors and oversights seem like glaring assaults on the people we care about. Many people around the world live with a recurring sense of excessive guilt that triggers too easily, lasts too long, and leaves a wreckage of self-esteem and confidence in its wake. The good news is that excessive guilt doesn’t have to rule your life, and freeing yourself from its grasp is entirely possible.
