But Doctor, I Am Mitt Romney
4. Seamus, most terrified dog in history, loses control of bowels, horrifying Tagg, son of Romney, when dog’s waste flows over car windows
The sun rises in Massachusetts. It’s early morning. Father, where is Seamus? the children ask, yawning, as they climb in for the long drive. Don’t worry about Seamus, Romney says. Father has been up during the night. Get in the car. Seamus is just fine. The family dog screams atop the station wagon, his terror lost in the howling wind. The car hurtles down the freeway. Seamus plays the only card he has left.
"Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, 'Treatment is simple. Great clown Mitt Romney is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up.' Man bursts into tears. Says, 'But doctor... I am Mitt Romney.' Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains."
