Facing My Performance Anxiety - by Fabio Hiroki
As a software developer, I always thought my biggest challenges would be technical. Little did I know that my greatest obstacle would be the simple act of communication. I was gripped by an intense fear of judgment in meetings, one-on-ones, and workplace interactions. “Everyone struggles a bit, so I should be okay,” I’d tell myself, trying to normalize the anxiety that was slowly consuming my professional and personal life.
My body betrayed me at every turn. My heart would race, breathing became difficult, and an overwhelming sense of stress and anxiety would wash over me. The most frustrating symptom was the feeling that my voice was stuck in my throat, making it nearly impossible to speak up.
The anxiety didn't end when meetings did. I'd lie awake at night, replaying every conversation in my head. "Why did I say that during the meeting? They must think I'm so incompetent now," I'd berate myself, tossing and turning.
I took multiple performance reviews and candid feedback to grasp the true cost of my silence fully. Each critique served as a mirror, reflecting how my communication struggles were hindering my progress. I began to see that my inability to articulate ideas was not just a personal hurdle; it was a barrier to career advancement and promotions.
