How 1 Friend Can Change the Course of Your Life

“Judo found my house for me in Seattle. Judo gave me all my initial friends [there]. Judo introduced me to my girlfriend, who I live with currently. Judo introduced me to a guy who eventually helped me get my job.”

Each installment of “The Friendship Files” features a conversation between The Atlantic’s Julie Beck and two or more friends, exploring the history and significance of their relationship.

This week she talks with two men whose friendship of convenience—Mitchell served as an unofficial guide when Judo moved to his hometown, and vice versa—grew more intimate as they became embedded in each other’s lives. Mitchell helped Judo through times of family crisis; Judo helped Mitchell find a job, a home, and a girlfriend. They discuss how they’ve stayed close as they’ve moved around, how sharing their differences has challenged them and deepened their connection, and what it takes for two men to build a truly intimate friendship.

Mitchell Laferla: I think the story starts with me. In college I befriended this girl in my study-abroad group, Courtney, who was from Washington. Later I came out and visited her. I’m originally from Nebraska. That was my first taste of the Pacific Northwest, and I was totally hooked. After I graduated college, I wanted to move out there.

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