If you ask an adult—particularly an older one—how they found their significant other, you’re fairly likely to hear about a time-honored ritual:

The Dating-App Diversity Paradox

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2024-09-20 14:30:05

If you ask an adult—particularly an older one—how they found their significant other, you’re fairly likely to hear about a time-honored ritual: the setup. Somewhere along the line, a mutual connection might have thought: Aren’t X and Y both weirdly into Steely Dan? Or: My two sweetest friends! Or perhaps just: They’re each single. The amateur cupid made the introduction, stepped back, and watched as they fell in love.

If you ask a single 20-something how they’re looking for a partner, you’re fairly likely to hear a weary sigh. The apps, of course. The swiping has been interminable; the chats have been boring, the first dates awkward, and the ghosting—well, it still stings. They might be wondering: Does no one know a marginally interesting, normal-enough person who wants to get to know me?

Once, American couples most commonly met through friends or family; now they’re most likely to meet online. Yet, despite the apps’ popularity, roughly half of users—and more than half of women—say their experience on them has been negative. Many today long for the setup. They imagine an era when couples were tailor-made by the people they cherished; when shared peers would hold creepy or flaky dates accountable; when a new partner would fit seamlessly into their social life.