About the author: Melinda Wenner Moyer is a contributing editor at Scientific American, a regular contributor to The New York Times, and the author o

American Parents Are Way Too Focused on Their Kids’ Self-Esteem

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2021-07-23 05:00:04

About the author: Melinda Wenner Moyer is a contributing editor at Scientific American, a regular contributor to The New York Times, and the author of How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes.

For two kids who share so much of their DNA, my children couldn’t be more different in their displays of self-confidence. My 7-year-old recently got toothpaste on her dress while brushing her teeth, and in response, she burst into tears, dropped to the floor, and rolled around screaming, “I’m the worst person ever!” My 10-year-old, however, acts as though his knowledge already surpasses that of Albert Einstein. Whenever we point out that he’s wrong about something, he disagrees, as if the number of moons orbiting Jupiter is a matter of opinion. Sometimes I wonder if my daughter’s self-esteem is too low and my son’s is too high. How important is having the right amount of self-esteem? Does the right amount even exist?

As an American parent, I’ve always assumed that having a healthy amount of self-esteem is crucial for my kids’ well-being. Once that’s secure, the thinking goes, everything else will just fall into place. This idea is such a given that when I was researching my book, How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes, one of my good friends—also a parenting journalist—advised me to make my first chapter about self-esteem.