Going boysober: the women who turned to celibacy in 2024
A backlash against dating culture and apps accelerated with Trump’s re-election, as many opted for self-sufficiency, fostering friendships and protesting against misogyny
Some call it “boysober”. Others take inspiration from South Korea’s 4B movement. And many just get right to it: they’re celibate.
For Olivia Iverson, a 28-year-old Minneapolis woman, it’s a little more complicated. For the past two years, she hasn’t dated much. She’s not opposed to finding someone, but she’s sworn off the apps and prioritized her existing friendships. “I’m re-centering my values around basically everything other than dating men,” Iverson, who works in marketing, said.
She’s not the only one. This year, women opened up about their decision to abstain from (usually straight) sex or dating. Whereas celibacy used to be associated with purity culture, promise rings and evangelical youth, this tool of the patriarchy has been reappropriated. Now, a woman might enter her “celibacy era” due to slim romantic pickings, or as a protest against misogyny.
A marked interest in celibacy first emerged post-Covid lockdowns, when some women who had stopped dating decided they didn’t need to rush back on to the scene once it was safer to do so. Some said the break had made them feel more confident in their sexuality. Others identified as “celibate sluts”, saying they didn’t need a partner to feel pleasure or enjoy desire.
