2024 in review | UZPG
This was one of the years of all time. I learned a lot, less about science than usual but more about relationships and who I am. It was definitely painful, but there were also many great things.
I caught glimpses of some beautiful ideas, I settled into my life at MIT and now have a circle of people who inspire me and illuminate my life, and I feel more confident to face the world, knowing my strengths and weaknesses a bit better. I also did a lot of collaborative work and really appreciate that kind of thing much more now!
I tried to do research really hard. I grinded, and developed, but I struggled. I am trying to finish the projects I’ve been doing and put them out this month mostly. Quality research is challenging.
In 2024 I developed strength and self reliance. Obviously it’s normal to depend on others, but this year I saw myself confronted with the fallbacks of depending too much. I am now able to be happier on my own, and develop a slightly healthier, more understanding mindset towards the way I end up living my life. This year I have had deep, beautiful friendships that I am beyond grateful for. But in some of these lows, I grappled with a sense that things were off, that there was some true connection right around the corner but always out of grasp. I was bound by expectation, waiting to see, be seen, and a bunch of other things. This expectation weighs on others and destroys your lucidity. Instead I have been trying to, mostly successfully, choose to take in the things that bring color to your life, and nurture them from a place of strength. When you are no longer dependent on someone or something in an existential, unhealthy way, you can more clearly see things as you are. You can recognize both the pain and the beauty of the things you are graced with in your friendships, relationships, etc… and then choose what deserves a place in your life.
I think my sense of beauty is growing more and more. I watched some movies that I really liked this year, and I wrote more poetry. Some images really stuck with me deeply, and I want to keep seeking out these kinds of insane artistic experiences.
