fulfillment and capitalism

I have spent the last two years of my life working as an engineer in startups. During this time, I have often wondered about my fulfillment in a technical sense. I think I can now firmly establish the fact that I need to put all my heart into the work that I do. Otherwise, it just wouldn’t make sense to me. And I wouldn’t feel motivated to work on the problems that are assigned to me.

I do understand that as an engineer, you will face some periods in your job that are drier than others, in terms of technical excitement. But, on a higher level, I still need to feel I am doing something important. The startup life has turned me into the kind of person that values time. I have a sense of urgency and I am almost always in a hacker mode. And this is really fun. Shipping things quickly and reliably gives me an adrenaline rush. I don’t know for how long I will keep getting this feeling but I am enjoying it while it lasts.

At the same time, there’s another side of me that thrives in slower, more deliberate exploration. I love open-ended research and deep dives into topics like math, computer networking, and gaming. Outside work, I’m not a fast-paced person. My ideal vacation involves lounging with a serene view and a cocktail, not ticking off every tourist activity on a checklist. Similarly, my explorations are often unhurried, driven more by curiosity than by deadlines. It’s the process of digging deeply, not necessarily reaching the finish line, that brings me joy.

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