What We Get Wrong About Influence - by Yue Zhao
Deb’s Note: From time to time, I bring in guest writers to explore new ideas that I would not otherwise write about. I love the way Yue Zhao takes a leap of faith and writes from a place of vulnerability and learning.
“At its core, influence is the property of people wanting your help. Not needing it. Not being required to have it. But wanting it.”
Many of us get influence all wrong. We see it as something we do to others, not something that others invite from us. We start with, “ I want to influence you.” We focus on how to get someone to see things our way or make decisions that are favorable to us. This line of thinking is self-centered and typically ineffective. Often, it leads us to think ourselves into a corner and risk treading into negative actions like bullying. Boz’s quote highlights that influence is not about the act of doing, but about someone wanting something from us.
When we start from a place of support, our perspective completely changes. We ground our thinking in how to best help someone else (and perhaps even be influenced in return). This helps us align ourselves with their goals, ambitions, and concerns. We consider our strengths and superpowers, and how they might help fill gaps in their work or accelerate a critical task. This is how influence is built—block by block, step by step—over many interactions.
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