false humility - by Dhruv Methi - Midnight Musings
At an early age, we learn that humility represents not having a bloated sense of our own importance, but we don’t really know what this means. We’re told that humility is an important trait to have, but it isn’t immediately clear why. However, through observation over time, we learn to associate certain behaviors with the idea of humility.
We see people deflect compliments, praise others, use self-deprecating humor, and more, and we see how these behaviors generate admiration in others and provide a host of benefits for the person exhibiting humility. We notice ourselves reacting positively toward people who exhibit these behaviors, and we notice ourselves reacting negatively toward people who seem full of themselves. We subconsciously learn that it is valuable and socially beneficial for us to imitate and exhibit humble behaviors. Our observations have generated the desire to be seen as humble.
All of this happens unconsciously; we believe that by exhibiting certain behaviors that are characteristic of what we view as humble people, we have attained the trait itself. We think we actually are humble. But this mental conception of humility doesn’t require us to truly investigate what humility is or ask us to answer why it is an important trait to have. We think it is sufficient for us to learn that it is a generally good thing and to learn effective mannerisms that signal to others that we are humble because we have observed that it is socially beneficial for us to do so.
