Satirical Christmas monologue by unreliable narrator disavowing his sins to Santa Claus; 16-stanza 64-line comic monologue in rhyming couplets, using

A Christmas Protestation

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2025-01-23 01:30:05

Satirical Christmas monologue by unreliable narrator disavowing his sins to Santa Claus; 16-stanza 64-line comic monologue in rhyming couplets, using regular iambic pentameter.

Dear Santa, pray attend my humble plea Before you judge what others claim of me. I write to clear my name of spiteful lies That paint me as a fiend in festive guise.

I’ve never peeked at presents through the wrap, Or set the biggest cracker in my lap. I didn’t pinch an extra mince-pie slice, Or water down your sherry over ice.

I’ve not re-gifted socks from Christmas yore, Or thrown hot pennies through your workshop door. I never pushed ahead in greeting lines, Or raided all the advent calendar’s shrines.

The star atop our tree stayed where it sat (Though true, it looks peculiarly flat). I didn’t hoard the Quality Street gold, Or feed the sprouts to cats out in the cold.