There are two factions in American politics, and they’re not evenly matched. As everyone knows, one of them contains all the smart people, the acade

I told you so - by Sam Kriss - Numb at the Lodge

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2024-11-06 15:30:03

There are two factions in American politics, and they’re not evenly matched. As everyone knows, one of them contains all the smart people, the academics, the professionals, the people who’ve read the studies, learned the science, educated themselves, who eat well and own nice things made of wood, the good little boys and girls who want what’s best for everyone. It’s not polite to say this about the other side, but everyone is secretly aware that they are—let’s be honest here—morons. Actual imbeciles, breathing through the spittle in their mouths. Glassy-eyed religious maniacs. Frothing adult virgins with their heads full of Y-DNA charts and built-up cum. Uncomfortably globular men who have unknowingly outsourced their entire sense of reality to Kenyan scammers generating engagement-bait with ChatGPT. If you talk to these people for even a few minutes, it becomes clear there’s something very seriously wrong with them. Instead of articulate speech, they produce a constant stream of meaningless drivel, mashed-up waste syllables, usually referring to some podcaster, political nobody, or minor advertising campaign that no one whose life is worth living has ever heard of. A good chunk of them have reverted to a magical, Stone Age account of the universe, in which everything that happens, including ordinary weather events, is part of a Plan set in motion by Them, to distract you. Distract you from what? It’s not clear, but the idiot’s eyes are constantly shifting around from object to object and screen to screen, darting with the terror of a primitive in a defensive crouch against a world he simply doesn’t have the faculties to understand. Because this faction is so stupid and offputting, its political party is deeply unpopular. In fact, it’s only won the popular vote in a Presidential election two times since 1988. The first time was in 2004, when the entire country was in the middle of a psychotic war fever, ravenous for blood, crazy in a way that’s difficult to imagine now. The Disney channel used to broadcast little idents of teen celebs, gushing about how much they loved the American flag. The other time they won was the other day. It wasn’t even close. Somehow, the imbeciles outsmarted the smartest people in the world. And I said this would happen. Not to gloat, but: I told you so. I told you so. I told you so.

One of my most foundational political beliefs is that while the winner in an election doesn’t usually deserve to win, the loser always deserves to lose. I can’t think of anyone who deserved to lose more than Kamala Harris.