Families and other social groups greatly affect how people think, feel, and act, but individuals vary in their susceptibility to “groupthink,” and

Differentiation of Self

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2024-09-19 23:00:02

Families and other social groups greatly affect how people think, feel, and act, but individuals vary in their susceptibility to “groupthink,” and groups vary in the amount of pressure they exert for conformity. These differences between individuals and between groups reflect differences in people’s levels of differentiation of self. The less developed a person’s “self,” the more impact others have on his functioning and the more he tries to control, actively or passively, the functioning of others. The basic building blocks of a “self” are inborn, but an individual’s family relationships during childhood and adolescence primarily determine how much “self” he develops. Once established, the level of “self” rarely changes unless a person makes a structured, long-term effort to change it.

People with a poorly differentiated “self” depend so heavily on the acceptance and approval of others that they either quickly adjust what they think, say, and do to please others or they dogmatically proclaim what others should be like and pressure them to conform. Bullies depend on approval and acceptance as much as chameleons, but bullies push others to agree with them instead of with others. Disagreement threatens a bully as much as it threatens a chameleon. An extreme rebel is a poorly differentiated person too, but she pretends to be a “self” by routinely opposing the positions of others.