How To Criticize Coworkers
This is very focused on how to work in a software engineering team (surprise! that’s most of what I know about!) but I’ve had friends say they’ve shown this to their partners, so I suspect it’s generally applicable.
I’ve given a lot of direct feedback. Sometimes it’s been really difficult to do, like when it’s critical feedback to a coworker I don’t know that well. Other times it’s been fun, like when I remember to actually say out loud “Hey - nice work on that project.” These moments dominate my personal highlight reel from the last five years, because they’ve been great experiences for both of us.
The altruistic answer is that “how am I doing?” is the data hardest for each of us to get, and crucial to improving our impact. I don’t know what’s going on in your brain, so I don’t know if I’m doing well or poorly. I can try to guess from your facial expression or the tone of your voice. When you tell me directly, instead of me trying to guess how my behavior affects you, I can focus on modifying it to have better effects, or at least make a conscious tradeoff. The self-interested answer is that you spend a lot of time working, and you rely heavily on the success of your peers. Making them more effective directly benefits you.
In both cases, direct feedback to someone is your highest leverage option to get them to be better. It is the least work on your part for the most long-term impact.
