Q I am in my late 30s and in a three-year relationship with a 30-year-old woman. We have our ups and downs, but we are crazy about one another. When w

Tell Me About It: I’m getting married but I fantasise about Thai ladyboys

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2024-09-29 22:00:04

Q I am in my late 30s and in a three-year relationship with a 30-year-old woman. We have our ups and downs, but we are crazy about one another. When we first met, I was highly aroused by her, but now I am not.

I understand that the sexual attraction falls away after time, but my issue is that I constantly think about and crave ladyboys, otherwise known as transgender women.

I had limited contact with ladyboys when I was in Thailand, and nowadays I find myself constantly fantasising about them and masturbating when my partner isn’t around. When I am sexual with my partner, I sometimes think of ladyboys. Or sometimes I fantasise about other women.

I am worried: is this is a big deal? We plan on getting married and having a baby next year. Apart from my sex life I am perfectly happy. I don’t believe I am gay. But I’m certainly not 100 per cent straight either. What advice can you give me?

A This column has had a number of queries about transgender fantasies. Most people have sexual fantasies, which, by their very nature, are not politically correct. Domination and submission, inappropriate people, past encounters and power plays are all normal parts of the landscape. Sometimes these fantasies can cause enormous upset in everyday life; when this is the case, simply trying to get rid of them does not work.