Managing Impostor Syndrome as a New Engineering Manager
Back in 1999, I was working at the small web studio of a Hungarian ISP. This was my first job, I applied for an HTML developer role, but eventually started to manage the biggest client we had to ensure proper attention and delivery. When my manager suddenly left, the department head asked me if I wanted to lead the team. I hesitantly said yes. I felt like I had already faked my role and used a combination of common sense, gut feeling, and the least resistance in my decisions. Surely, anyone could do that… But if I refuse this opportunity, they might also uncover the phony I am in my current role! So I took it — and continued to battle with the fear of somebody founding out I have no idea what I’m doing.
Impostor syndrome - that persistent feeling that you're a fraud about to be discovered - hits particularly hard when stepping into engineering management. It's not just about doubting your abilities anymore; suddenly you're responsible for other people's careers too while trying to figure out your new role.
Looking back, I might have been a bit harsh on myself. I made mistakes but had a good share of success too, and learned a lot from both. But I was going through this period with fear, and anxiety and stress. So, building on this experience and the many more I had during the years, I wanted to look at what triggers these feelings in new Engineering Managers, and more importantly, how to work with them rather than against them.
