Blizzard just quietly released Warcraft 1 and 2 remasters, and they look like Zynga games made by a blind duck

Well, that was quick. After artwork leaked last week for what looked very much like a remaster of classic real-time strategy Warcraft II: Tides Of Darkness, Blizzard sneakily dropped both that and a remaster of Warcraft: Orcs & Humans last night. They’re bundled together with Warcraft III: Reforged - itself with a new patch - in a 'Warcraft Remastered Battle Chest', which also includes the older versions of the first two games. The chest is available on Battle.net, where it’ll set you back £34.99 / $39.99. If you’re just after the older titles, they’re £9 / $10 and £12.59 / $15 respectively.

As for changes to the remasters, there’s updated controls for Warcraft 1, bringing it more in line with the sequel, along with some customisable UI and UX elements. Warcraft 2’s multiplayer is apparently fully intact, with legacy custom maps compatible and playable. Both feature remastered assets. Warcraft 3: Reforged got a 2.0 patch, which Blizzard say "includes updated Classic HD assets and improved Reforged environment visuals. Customize your army to play with the visuals you prefer."

Personally? I think the remasters look like dogwater. I’d say they reminded me of a Newgrounds flash game but I’m positive I’ve played several that were much nicer. It looks a dentist waiting room pop-up book of itself run through several washing machine cycles then brightened up with an MS paint tool meant to emulate crayons made of the sun. It looks like it's going to try and offer me a discount on an energy bundle so I can run my farms for another hour, but I only if I send an invite to my aunt. If I’m blinded by nostalgia, then I choose to remain blind forever. Actually, I’ll have ten percent more blindness please. The colours are still too much.

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