In the beginning the job site was dark as shit. All was empty, void, and there were neither tools nor building supplies. The Head Honcho, the Construc

In Favor of Cultural Christianity, or the Story of Josh Chris

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2024-11-01 22:00:39

In the beginning the job site was dark as shit. All was empty, void, and there were neither tools nor building supplies. The Head Honcho, the Constructor of Creation, the Contractor who Contracts Himself, walked across the endless Dark and placed His finger upon the Celestial Extension Cord and said:

On the second shift, the Builder of the Building Blocks of the Universe, drove pilings upon the job site. And when He was done He gently stamped His foot upon the ground and said: “That Will Hold.” And so was the land risen to separate sea from sea.

On the third shift, the Burner and Bloomer of Bushes placed Landscaping upon the job site and set forth the trees to rise on the land and the algae to bloom in the ponds and all the local flora and fauna to dwell in its place. And He said: “So be it that all who follow should use local landscaping features, for if they do not the maintenance shall be greatly increased.”

On the fourth shift, He who Ignites the Furnace of Heaven, screwed a heat bulb into the sky to bring permanent lighting and heating to the job site and called it the Sun. And a second cool-tone bulb He screwed into the sky of the evening and called it the Moon. And in this way, lighting and HVAC work was completed on the job site.

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